Linking up with Needle and Nest Design: What they never told you about..... Mamahood

So, I'm in therapy, as most of you know.  Everyone should be in therapy by the way, the world would be a better place.  Anyway, what we spoke about today was my continuation to struggle to get along with my lovely boy Oliver.  Of course there is always the "who does he remind you of?"  what do you do when you get angry? how does it make you feel in that moment, blah blah blah (please don't get the impression that my therapist is "typical" she is the opposite really and is a SAINT), but today we just talked about how i have far too many expectations.

I grew up as an only child with very limited interaction with small children.  Frankly, i can remember so vividly being irritated beyond words at children that were not all that much younger than me, but ohhhhh how they drove me NUTS!  they are so loud......and strange.......

So here i am, children of my own.  And they are loud....and strange.....

And i have these expectations that really don't make much sense when you stand back and look at the big picture.  You see, in my head, i think that if you don't pick up your toys RIGHT NOW and i let you get away with not doing it RIGHT NOW, that this will instill a belief that you are not responsible for your actions.....

Ummmmmmm..... hello mama suz? HE'S THREE.

But none the less, this is where i go.  So, what is the answer?  It's already been said.  HE IS THREE.

Veeeeery simple.  His brain does not work like an adult, therefore, he is not associating getting out of picking up as a form of vindictive behavior and certainly not thinking he doesn't have to take responsibility.  What he IS picking up is my bat-shit-crazy reaction.  I'm a yeller.  Not proud mind you, but a yeller through and through. 

She said to me today, "if he was deaf, you wouldn't keep expecting him to hear, would you?"
oy vey! so simple, but so effective.  EXACTLY what i needed to hear!

I'ts a long road ahead, but i am certain things will be better.  I'm going to try and do less yelling, less caring about toys being picked up and focus more on the funny moments i have been missing.  I am missing out on a lot, and it's a shame.  The days are long, the years are short, ay? Ay.  I'm leaving you with something that one of our midwives printed for us during our Mindfulness Based Childbirth class, for some reason reading this seems fitting.  For a long time i have been living my days waiting for them to end.  This is tragic and just plain unnecessary.  I am going to try and read this every single day....

The Miracle of Mindfulness

There are two ways to wash the dishes...

The first is in order to clean the dishes.

The second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.

If while washing the dishes we think only of the cup of tea which awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not alive at the time we are washing them.  In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.  If we can't wash the dishes, we won't be able to drink our tea either.  While drinking we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands.

This we are sucked away into the future and we are actually incapable of living one minute of life.

Thich Naht Hahn   

 

Much love, muah!

Suz