Who is THIS Babe?

I have done an introductory post about what a "Babe" is. But didn't enlighten you as to who THIS babe is.

Where to begin.....?  Well, of course, I'm a mum.  A cra-hay-zee mum.  I say this jokingly, but am somewhat serious.  maybe "crazy" isn't the word, but it's the most fun to spell out how i talk and the easiest to describe.  i have this little battle with anxiety that has recently become very present in my life and i am currently trying to change it.  i don't know if it's becoming a mother that made it all come to a head, but it's being a mother that makes me want to not feel this way so that i can be a better mum and actually enjoy these days rather than wish them away.  BUT thanks to incredible family and friends and energy work, i'm on the mend!  i like to talk about this because i feel like anxiety is such a common thing for people to have.  sometimes it's not so intense, but for a lot of people it is and it's not unusual and they don't have to live like that.  you can choose your method of help, but i personally, am drawn to the alternative.  i understand fully that sometimes medicine is an absolute necessity, but i just wasn't comfortable with that.  i felt like i needed to get to the root of the problem and figure out WHY i have this anxiety, not shove it down further (which is probably why it's all exploding, ay?? ay.).

I started seeing a psychotherapist specializing in clinical hypnotherapy, reiki and EMDR and it. has. changed. my. life.  Don't get me wrong, we have A LONG way to go, but in the short time i have been going to see her, the difference is unbelievable.  again, not out of the woods luvvies.  i still have anxiety, still get a little crazy, but in turn i have this incredible new found confidence that i don't know if i can describe.  i have a new outlook, a strong motivation and awareness.  it can only get better from here.  We all get this build up of.... LIFE.  things happen to us, things that aren't even "significant" and it just adds up and adds up and adds up until BAM!  not everyone, but a lot of people.... many more than you would think.  i don't want to be that person anymore, that "crazy" part isn't doing any good for the "real" mama suz.  i want to have fun with my kids and have them remember me as someone that loved life, not someone that got crazy mad and screamed all the time.

So, these days, we dance in the living room.  We do yoga.  We paint..... And lately, I feel better.

 I also, am a singer.  Singing is the one time that i can really feel heard (which is a deep issue for me, funny how we find ways to try and heal ourselves subconsciously???).  It's been this incredible outlet for me as a mum to well, GET OUT.  but to get IT out.  through music i can release all of this pent up whatever whatever and turn it into song and rhythm and soul.  how great is THAT?  oh, AND i can also pay rent and buy foodskees, can't complain there!

 Oh, and did i mention that i also get to sing and play all this music with the love of my life?????  holy moly!  for realskees, i feel as though sometimes i have won the lottery.  not in riches of giant piles of cash, but a whole lotta' love.  really.  This boy i have is as good as it gets.  My love with Gibb is one that people envy.
                                                              
 there, i said it.

 it's true.  is it perfect? nope.  has it been a bumpy road?  yup. but to be where we are today, in THIS moment? I would do it all over 1000% times.  He is a support like no other.  Somehow, after 10 years, 2 kids and everything that comes along with it all, he still loves me.  We love each other MORE after it all.  That's worth more than a pile of cash any day.

 Novel alert!  Sorry.  another thing about me is that when i feel like talkin' (or in this case, writing)  i can go on and on.....  maybe we'll finish with a list....

~I'm an eclectic artist
~having pink in my hair makes me happy INSTANTLY
~iced coffee does the same
~certain songs can get me through the day
~and i LOVE my dog.  he saved me just as much as therapy.  i lost my beloved calvin which was somewhat the straw in my situation, he led me to the path i am on in some way.  days after his death i found murphy.  he ironically (or maybe not, how can such things be pure coincidence???), he is Calvin's nephew.  whoa. i will leave you with a photo of  both of them.

Calvin <3

Murphy <3

much love to you, muah!
xoxo Suz

What They Never Told You About: Infancy- Linking up with Needle and Nest Design

As some of you know, my first reaction after taking Mr. Oliver home was "who dropped this baby off and what do i do with it???"

Sweet Baby Oliver

You see, even though when you get pregnant you totally know that eventually you will get : A BABY.  (duh??) ,when it actually HAPPENS, you find yourself wondering, " oh my goodness!  who on earth thought it was a good idea to be in charge of the well being of this little creature?!?!?"

But the good thing is, they are resilient, and just as new to all of this as you are :)  And even in those moments when you think you just can't do it anymore.... you do.  And all of a sudden you get it.  You figure out their quirks, their likes and dislikes...sometimes they throw you in the opposite direction and you seem to be starting all over again.  i'm not sure if that part ever goes away.... but it's all part of it.

 And then, sometimes, you get this cray-hay-zeeee idea to do it all over again! (VERY close together in my case!!!)

Sweet Baby Gibbson

                                         But how can you resist, really? oy, look at that face!

AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Best buds for life......

 And then there is the best thing EVER.  Three of the best dudes THIS mama could ever ask for.  Mine forever and ever.  They might make you nuts....ok, they WILL make you nuts.  There will be moments that you swear you can't do it for one more second.  But you do.  And you would do it again a thousand times just for small moments like this.....

 

Much love to you and your babes (even if they are still only but a thought)

<3 Suz

Linking up today with the lovely:

Needle and Nest Design