Owl beer makes beautiful music

This is what I am going to go with anyway.  Usually, no, ALWAYS, I'm a red wine kinda gal.  But while waiting for our meal at Sips Cafe, my love tells me about this Japanese beer that has an owl on the label.  Ummmm, not to mention the owl is also on the CAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So obviously I order one so I can have the cap, right? ABSOLUTELY!  Well not only was it a gorgeous bottle, but it was actually really delicious.  And now I am thinking that it might have magical powers.....again, that it what I am going to go with......

We start singing and something transforms.  I have NO fear.  None.  Even though it has been over 4 years that I have been on the stage on a regular basis, it never ceases to be a tad bit terrifying.....

But tonight there was something different.  There was just songs (and incredibly gorgeous lighting). And my voice seemed free and the notes that normally would never have happened, happened.  It was honestly the most wonderful show that i can recall in a long time, and probably ever......

Was it the owl beer?  Who knows?  Maybe it's all this energy work?  Whatever it is, I'll take it! Wondering if I should carry a case in the car and ask them to chill one before each show wherever we go..... is that totally bizarre?  It could just become my trademark..... and think of all those gorgeous caps!

              We'll be at Mainely Meat on Main tonight.  Come on down to hear a few lovely melodies.......

                                    Have a lovely weekend luvvies!  xoxo Suz......and Gibb! <3

Linking up with Needle and Nest Design: What they never told you about..... Mamahood

So, I'm in therapy, as most of you know.  Everyone should be in therapy by the way, the world would be a better place.  Anyway, what we spoke about today was my continuation to struggle to get along with my lovely boy Oliver.  Of course there is always the "who does he remind you of?"  what do you do when you get angry? how does it make you feel in that moment, blah blah blah (please don't get the impression that my therapist is "typical" she is the opposite really and is a SAINT), but today we just talked about how i have far too many expectations.

I grew up as an only child with very limited interaction with small children.  Frankly, i can remember so vividly being irritated beyond words at children that were not all that much younger than me, but ohhhhh how they drove me NUTS!  they are so loud......and strange.......

So here i am, children of my own.  And they are loud....and strange.....

And i have these expectations that really don't make much sense when you stand back and look at the big picture.  You see, in my head, i think that if you don't pick up your toys RIGHT NOW and i let you get away with not doing it RIGHT NOW, that this will instill a belief that you are not responsible for your actions.....

Ummmmmmm..... hello mama suz? HE'S THREE.

But none the less, this is where i go.  So, what is the answer?  It's already been said.  HE IS THREE.

Veeeeery simple.  His brain does not work like an adult, therefore, he is not associating getting out of picking up as a form of vindictive behavior and certainly not thinking he doesn't have to take responsibility.  What he IS picking up is my bat-shit-crazy reaction.  I'm a yeller.  Not proud mind you, but a yeller through and through. 

She said to me today, "if he was deaf, you wouldn't keep expecting him to hear, would you?"
oy vey! so simple, but so effective.  EXACTLY what i needed to hear!

I'ts a long road ahead, but i am certain things will be better.  I'm going to try and do less yelling, less caring about toys being picked up and focus more on the funny moments i have been missing.  I am missing out on a lot, and it's a shame.  The days are long, the years are short, ay? Ay.  I'm leaving you with something that one of our midwives printed for us during our Mindfulness Based Childbirth class, for some reason reading this seems fitting.  For a long time i have been living my days waiting for them to end.  This is tragic and just plain unnecessary.  I am going to try and read this every single day....

The Miracle of Mindfulness

There are two ways to wash the dishes...

The first is in order to clean the dishes.

The second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.

If while washing the dishes we think only of the cup of tea which awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not alive at the time we are washing them.  In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.  If we can't wash the dishes, we won't be able to drink our tea either.  While drinking we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands.

This we are sucked away into the future and we are actually incapable of living one minute of life.

Thich Naht Hahn   

 

Much love, muah!

Suz

Silent Sunday

                              xoxo Suz...and a snowy Murphy

Who is THIS Babe?

I have done an introductory post about what a "Babe" is. But didn't enlighten you as to who THIS babe is.

Where to begin.....?  Well, of course, I'm a mum.  A cra-hay-zee mum.  I say this jokingly, but am somewhat serious.  maybe "crazy" isn't the word, but it's the most fun to spell out how i talk and the easiest to describe.  i have this little battle with anxiety that has recently become very present in my life and i am currently trying to change it.  i don't know if it's becoming a mother that made it all come to a head, but it's being a mother that makes me want to not feel this way so that i can be a better mum and actually enjoy these days rather than wish them away.  BUT thanks to incredible family and friends and energy work, i'm on the mend!  i like to talk about this because i feel like anxiety is such a common thing for people to have.  sometimes it's not so intense, but for a lot of people it is and it's not unusual and they don't have to live like that.  you can choose your method of help, but i personally, am drawn to the alternative.  i understand fully that sometimes medicine is an absolute necessity, but i just wasn't comfortable with that.  i felt like i needed to get to the root of the problem and figure out WHY i have this anxiety, not shove it down further (which is probably why it's all exploding, ay?? ay.).

I started seeing a psychotherapist specializing in clinical hypnotherapy, reiki and EMDR and it. has. changed. my. life.  Don't get me wrong, we have A LONG way to go, but in the short time i have been going to see her, the difference is unbelievable.  again, not out of the woods luvvies.  i still have anxiety, still get a little crazy, but in turn i have this incredible new found confidence that i don't know if i can describe.  i have a new outlook, a strong motivation and awareness.  it can only get better from here.  We all get this build up of.... LIFE.  things happen to us, things that aren't even "significant" and it just adds up and adds up and adds up until BAM!  not everyone, but a lot of people.... many more than you would think.  i don't want to be that person anymore, that "crazy" part isn't doing any good for the "real" mama suz.  i want to have fun with my kids and have them remember me as someone that loved life, not someone that got crazy mad and screamed all the time.

So, these days, we dance in the living room.  We do yoga.  We paint..... And lately, I feel better.

 I also, am a singer.  Singing is the one time that i can really feel heard (which is a deep issue for me, funny how we find ways to try and heal ourselves subconsciously???).  It's been this incredible outlet for me as a mum to well, GET OUT.  but to get IT out.  through music i can release all of this pent up whatever whatever and turn it into song and rhythm and soul.  how great is THAT?  oh, AND i can also pay rent and buy foodskees, can't complain there!

 Oh, and did i mention that i also get to sing and play all this music with the love of my life?????  holy moly!  for realskees, i feel as though sometimes i have won the lottery.  not in riches of giant piles of cash, but a whole lotta' love.  really.  This boy i have is as good as it gets.  My love with Gibb is one that people envy.
                                                              
 there, i said it.

 it's true.  is it perfect? nope.  has it been a bumpy road?  yup. but to be where we are today, in THIS moment? I would do it all over 1000% times.  He is a support like no other.  Somehow, after 10 years, 2 kids and everything that comes along with it all, he still loves me.  We love each other MORE after it all.  That's worth more than a pile of cash any day.

 Novel alert!  Sorry.  another thing about me is that when i feel like talkin' (or in this case, writing)  i can go on and on.....  maybe we'll finish with a list....

~I'm an eclectic artist
~having pink in my hair makes me happy INSTANTLY
~iced coffee does the same
~certain songs can get me through the day
~and i LOVE my dog.  he saved me just as much as therapy.  i lost my beloved calvin which was somewhat the straw in my situation, he led me to the path i am on in some way.  days after his death i found murphy.  he ironically (or maybe not, how can such things be pure coincidence???), he is Calvin's nephew.  whoa. i will leave you with a photo of  both of them.

Calvin <3

Murphy <3

much love to you, muah!
xoxo Suz

What They Never Told You About: Infancy- Linking up with Needle and Nest Design

As some of you know, my first reaction after taking Mr. Oliver home was "who dropped this baby off and what do i do with it???"

Sweet Baby Oliver

You see, even though when you get pregnant you totally know that eventually you will get : A BABY.  (duh??) ,when it actually HAPPENS, you find yourself wondering, " oh my goodness!  who on earth thought it was a good idea to be in charge of the well being of this little creature?!?!?"

But the good thing is, they are resilient, and just as new to all of this as you are :)  And even in those moments when you think you just can't do it anymore.... you do.  And all of a sudden you get it.  You figure out their quirks, their likes and dislikes...sometimes they throw you in the opposite direction and you seem to be starting all over again.  i'm not sure if that part ever goes away.... but it's all part of it.

 And then, sometimes, you get this cray-hay-zeeee idea to do it all over again! (VERY close together in my case!!!)

Sweet Baby Gibbson

                                         But how can you resist, really? oy, look at that face!

AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Best buds for life......

 And then there is the best thing EVER.  Three of the best dudes THIS mama could ever ask for.  Mine forever and ever.  They might make you nuts....ok, they WILL make you nuts.  There will be moments that you swear you can't do it for one more second.  But you do.  And you would do it again a thousand times just for small moments like this.....

 

Much love to you and your babes (even if they are still only but a thought)

<3 Suz

Linking up today with the lovely:

Needle and Nest Design

FULL February Meal Plan!

Ok luvvies!  As planned, I am sharing my meal plan for the month of February.  This would be a great time to try this out for yourselves, it's the shortest month out of the year! Baby steps!

I'm going to provide a few links to some dishes on here that i got inspiration from.  I don't follow recipes, and cooking for me is like interpretive dance.  Most of the time when i dream up something to cook, i cook it in my head first, then just have at it.  If you have the time, just sit down and number a piece of paper 1-28 and write as many meals as you can think of, once you have them all written down, arrange them in a way that makes sense for your weeks.  Does your kid have a game on Saturday?  Make sure it's something easy.  Are you going to someone's house for dinner? NO cooking for you that night!  It's so so so easy, and the best part is, when someone asks "what's for dinner" you know exactly what to say!  Go on and try! I dare ya!!  Let me know how it goes!!

Feb. 1  Turkey Burgers and roasted potatoes
Feb. 2 Gabe's Company Party- no cooking for me!!
Feb. 3  Chicken Parmesan w/ salad  
Feb. 4  spaghetti squash pasta bake w/ hot dogs ( nitrite free, try them, you'll never go back!)
Feb. 5  Black Bean, spinach and cheese quesadillas and cilantro rice
Feb. 6  Veggie Burgers and homemade fries
Feb. 7  Gig at Finn's- no cooking for me!
Feb  8  real meatball sliders (yes, i said REAL meat. we often have fake meatballs, so i had to specify ;o) )
Feb. 9  crock pot bbq chicken w/ arugula
Feb.10 Flat out pizza
Feb.11 steak, au gratin potatoes, broccoli, green beans, carrots ( because we buy the nature place steak, the cuts are not usually as big so we substitute with lots of sides of veggies)
Feb.12 roasted veggie calzones
Feb.13 chicken pitas with tzatziki
Feb.14 Valentines Day!!!!!!  Appetizer night!!!  Still working on this one, need to make everything heart shaped though, duhhhhhhhhh :)
Feb.15 Egg rolls and garlic soba noodles
Feb. 16 Bean and cheese wraps w/ cilantro quinoa
Feb. 17 Cheesy Broccoli Quinoa
Feb. 18Chicken dagwoods
Feb. 19 Chick pea Taquitos
Feb. 20 playing a show at Sips, no cooking for me!!!
Feb. 21 hummus pasta bake, salad and cauliflower cheese sticks
Feb. 22 veggie quiche and potatoes
Feb. 23 playing at Mainely Meat on Main!  No cooking for me!  (this is a good week!!!!!)
Feb. 24 Homemade pizza
Feb. 25 Honey mustard chicken and roasted veggies (make extra honey mustard chicken for tomorrow night)
Feb. 26 Chicken salads and breadsticks
Feb. 27 Veggie egg sandwiches and potatoes
Feb. 28 Beef and Barley Stew
Mar. 1 pasta bake and salad
Mar. 2 loaded turkey tacos

Aunt Peg

Anyone that knew her knows that she was honestly one of the best human beings ever to live on this earth.  Really.  Not just, "she was a great woman", that's not enough.  She brought new meaning to the words "accepting" and "kindhearted".  She left this world a year ago today, but she left it a better place...even though my world will never be the same without her.  she is around though.  i now understand when people say they can "feel" their loved ones around them.  it's not every day, but she is around.  whether it be all the hundreds of birds that spent the summer in my parents yard (NEVER in my life did i see so many birds there!) or when my beloved dog (who she ADORED) was hit in front of our house, as i approached him i felt her presence so strongly like she was there with him.  It doesn't make it any easier.  It is never going to be the same as when I could talk to her whenever I wanted.  It just won't.  But i will always remember her and always strive to be a better person like she was.  I will always be exactly who i want to be because she was the one person that ALWAYS accepted me for just that, and embraced it and encouraged it.  that's all anyone could ever want in a person.  the best gift anyone can give is complete and total appreciation and acceptance.  she gave the world that and more.

“Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.“
~Robert Louis Stevenson 

Chocolate Almond Butter Bananas....yeah

So, i stumbled upon this crazy gorgeousness and decided i needed to try it.  This is a smaller version of what i originally saw and i'm glad, if there was a whole banana smothered with almond butter and dipped in chocolate, you HAVE to consume the whole thing.  you can eat just one of these and feel absolutely happy....ok, MAYBE i had more than one when i first made them.....shut up.

Anyway, these are soooooo good and you can use any type of almond butter or peanut butter or whatever crazy butter they have out there. I used a caramel almond butter because... well, i love freaking caramel.  this is the process:

Gather your ingredients:

bananas (i used 3, any chocolate i had left over i wanted to make some chocolate almonds, if you use all this chocolate, use 4 or 5 bananas)
almond butter
i bar dark chocolate (the darker the better, not 90% though, that's a bit too dark...unless you dig it, if you do, have at it)
dark chocolate chips
double boiler (this vintage enamel one is a prized possession in this house.  this belonged to my Aunt Peg, my most favorite person to ever walk the earth, incredible things were made for many many many years in this.... more about her later this week...)
cookie sheet lined with wax paper (not shown)

Slice your bananas into 3rds, then slice those in half the long way.  i think that next time i am actually going to slice them into discs and make a banana almond butter sandwich, they will stay together better and be a lot easier to dip into the chocolate.

Next, spread some almond butter onto the banana slices.  This part is a little difficult because the banana want to reject the almond butter, but don't fret, they'll be happy they met, and so will you. After you do this step, place them in the freezer for at least 15 minutes to make sure they stay together.  While you are waiting for them to firm up, git' cher' chocolat-ay-hay in that double boiler.  important: when you take the bananas out, make sure you're ready to dip em', if you let them sit for too long, they get mushy and it's hard to dip them without them falling apart.....

here is a lovely paper crane i decided to fold out of the giradelli wrapper.  gorgeous.

Heeeeeeere they be!  remember my important note? this is why.  they fell apart without mercy, but i made it work, aaaaand they're delicious, so who cares what they look like! Put them back in the freezer for another, oh, 20 min.?  before eating one.  keep them in the freezer on the tray and when you want one, just leave it out for a little bit if you don't want it to be too hard, though even right out of the freezer they are ready to eat, it just depends on your preference. anyway,  they are like ice cream.  sweet georgia brown.                                

  so, there you have it!  go make some! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feel free to ask questions because i'm not a good recipe follower i feel like my recipe sharing skills are lacking....muah!!!!!

much love to you all luvadoooos!

xo suz                                                                                       

Linking up with Needle and Nest Design: Momologue Monday!

We're linking up again with the lovely Mama Mel over at my most favorite (or as she writes "favourite", love it!!!) blog Needle and Nest Design.  Every monday us mama's get to write our shpeel about those things no one seems to tell you about motherhood, in all senses of the word.  This week : labor and delivery.  oh my, are you ready?  I'll try to not write a novel.... though, who am i kidding.....

 In my case, my babies are always late.  Oliver was 2 weeks late.  there was nothing.  not a twinge, not a "could this be it?" moments.  nothing.  so, we had to go the ol' route of that four letter word: induction.  ugh, can you hear the dramatic music? dun dun DUNNNNNN.  my labor started incredibly slow but quickly became very painful....

Here i am at the beginning, just before i needed to get into the tub and start hallucinating, of course later we would learn i was a mere ONE cm dilated..... (so funny, i thought i would wear that necklace the whole time.... oh suz....)

           The labor took about 2 days and got really scary and intense at the end, but some how, i did it!

                                                         Oliver Lennon Wood 9lbs 6.9 oz

                       Then, because we somehow for get this pain, a couple years later...........

                                 Gibbson Leo Wood 9lbs. 15.1 (i HAVE to add the 1 thank you)

His was a much different story.  Unlike with Oliver, there was a lovely SEVEN day stretch of "this is it!" moments (mind you, i was very thankful to at least be feeling SOMETHING).  On the 8th night, it became real.  Then, before we knew it  we were dropping off Oliver and the dog and heading out.  Pay attention to this ladies :  they make you wait until your contractions are 5-7 minutes apart before coming in.  i suggest finding a friend that lives close by the hospital to hang out with the moment you feel one coming on because goodness gracious it really sucks riding in a car while having close together contractions.  oy vey.  anyway.  with this pregnancy, we took a Mindfulness Base Childbirth Class and though i believe labor is VERY much different when not on synthetic drugs like pitocin to induce labor, these techniques that i learned were invaluable.  To notice the moments AFTER contractions, the relief of it being over and having one down.  NOT focusing on "oh god that hurt, when is the next one coming?  what am i going to do?  what if it hurts worse? etc..." but not thinking those thoughts at all.  incredible.  labor with oliver, my mum and Gabe went through 200 washcloths trying to sooth my head that was spinning, it was 6,000 degrees in that room and i was delirious with pain and heatstroke.  Gibbsons birth? we went through ONE, i am holding it in the photo below, and frankly, the only reason i was holding it was because my poor mum didn't know what to do with herself! she was certain she would have to be on washcloth duty!

So here it is!  One of the proudest moments i can recall.  This is a photo taken when i was at 7 cm., approaching 8.  The smile is real.  i was talking in between contractions as though i was not in labor at all.  MIND over MATTER.....


Now, please don't be fooled, i will admit that shortly after this photo was taken i got to a full on 8 cm.  When you get there, you are not on this planet.  You just aren't. You are someone else.  Don't worry, you'll return, but for the time being, you would probably allow a 6 year old give you an epidural.  There is nothing that i will try and compare it to.  it doesn't even "hurt" as much as it's just so. incredibly. intense. but, it's what gives us super powers as mentioned in last weeks link up.

And even though some of the first words i spoke after he was out were "wow.  i don't ever.have.to.do.that.again........"  i would.  as crazy as my children make me sometimes.  as scary as walking into the hospital that second time around is, knowing full well what is coming.... i would do it again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like i need to say something that is off the topic of labor, but something that has been on my mind for some time.  It's not something that i can really just say publicly in some random facebook post to get people all riled up. and maybe it won't even reach the people that this pertains to, but i just feel like this is an easier way:
some people make comments like "oh, don't you think two is enough!?"  or "you shouldn't have more kids" or, "you think you're crazy now! and you want MORE????"  and i know that no one is saying these things to be mean spirited.  they most of the time might even be joking.  but when it is said over and over and over and over, it doesn't feel as harmless.  i DO want more kids.  i want to look around my house at the holidays and have a lot of children in my life when i am older.  i look into my future and i see more children in it.  i just do.  and i don't think that there is anything wrong with it.  do i complain about my kids too much?  yes.  i admit that i do. i admit that i have a lot of things that i need to work out with ME to make me better, to allow me to have more patience and understanding.  when i am told over and over again that i should not have any more children it hurts and it makes me feel like people think i'm an idiot.  "why do you want more kids, are you crazy?"  they don't see my future as i see it. plain and simple. so please, even if you are just joking, if you think that i shouldn't have more children, i ask you to kindly think it silently. please. much love to you all

<3 suz



 

Meal Plan Satuday!!!!

Ready to go shopping????  It's saturday, my usual day to finish the meal plan and head to the store!  We are on a tighter budget this week because my love gets paid bi-weekly so week 2 is when i really need to be very frugal.  I have created a calender for the week for easier reading (SO not fancy shmance, i used my trusty paint program but i don't care, i do LOVE that old school stand by, forever and ever luvvies)

I am using up everything i can possible use to bulk up these meals (lots of beans, rice, that last stalk of celery, a handful of carrots, that last bit of vegetable stock, etc.) we are going with ground turkey this week for the meat.  I plan to buy 2 packages and use them both in separate meals, usually i use one package for 2 meals, but the nature place ground turkey is very reasonable so i'm ok with buying 2 and not splitting them up.  I was going to buy chicken to split, but unless i find a super low price package, i'm going to forfeit (a note, just like i don't bake, i don't buy  meat with the bones in.  i'm effing picky, it grosses me out.  i know that it would be way less expensive to buy a whole chicken, blah blah blah, but this mama does nearly all the cooking in this house so no bones it is!)
I am going to use a WIC check this week which is for $6 in fresh fruit and vegetables, but otherwise, I'm hoping to spend just $100 on food for the week (we aren't counting household replenishing, paper towels, cat litter, etc.) Let's see if i can do it!

Also this week, I hope to try and photo document everything i cook so you can see these masterpieces with yer verrrry own eyes!  Then next Saturday I'm going to debut the full month of February meal plan.  i had done this for the month of November and it worked really really well! Happy saturday luvvies!

much love, Suz

Stack. More. Rocks- the answer for it all.... maybe not, but certainly good for the soul

 Too often, i find myself unable to have patience.  With my kids, with myself....  I need to stack more rocks.  it sounds silly, but stacking rocks requires a tremendous amount of patience.  Its more than just finding rocks that are perfectly flat and stacking them on top of each other.  Anyone could do that.  The challenge lies in finding rocks that look like they never could hold their weight against another and finding the slightest way to get them to stack onto each other so sturdy they seem like they will stand against any waves that crash against them (because though you can stack rocks ANYWHERE, the beach is always the best)...
                                                                                    Quite the metaphor though, ay?  I need to keep my patience with my children like i do when stacking rocks.  it takes tremendous concentration sometimes, other times you get a perfect fit and move quickly onto the next.  Raising children is like stacking rocks.  If i can take the time to stack more rocks, perhaps the serenity will follow suit and i can relax and stop losing my patience.  This is what i will strive for......

                                                                      strive to

                                                                 

                                                      and stack more rocks.


                                                                  Happy Friday Luvvies

                                                                         <3 Suz

CREATE it Forward

Do you want to receive some gorgeous handmade cards in the mail?  Or some beauteous junk mail pins???? Or something else that my crazy little brain creates? In an effort to participate in what I'm calling "CREATE it forward" (inspiration from my favorite blogger mama Mel over at Needle and Nest Design ) I'm vowing to send by mail something handmade to the first 5 people that comment on this post!  What is better than receiving a handmade whatever whatever carefully placed in gorgeous packaging (like one of my gorgeous recycled map envelopes perhaps???)  in the MAIL? like the good ol' days?  Just do one thing, please send something to at the very least one person you know, whether you are a crafty person or not, just a note or small token that says "hi there friend, you rock my world!".  Lets spread some love and kindness and allow ourselves some creative vibes to get us through this long (and FREEEEEZING) winter!  Please note that if you are one of the 5 commenters, please email me your mailing address.  Look for your package in the mail!!!

Much love
Suz

Linked up with Needle and Nest.... What no one told you about motherhood

ooooops! THIS is the post that was supposed to be linked up with Needle and Nest :)  we'll get it eventually, ay? new readers: i HATE grammar and nearly never properly capitalize when appropriate :)

Anyway, this is my linked up post all about motherhood.  The beginning and beyond and ironically, my favorite part to discuss, "what no one ever told you about".

Since having 2 children of my own, i feel a somewhat "duty" to for warn these mum's to be in my circle of friends.  Mostly because i just was never told these things and feel i went through many a suffering hour errr days/weeks, because of it.  these are my rantings....

Biggest one:  you might not instantly be "in love" with your child.  please don't get me wrong.  you love your kids, you ALWAYS love them, but that moment right after you go through the marathon of labor and they lay him or her on your stomach (if you get that, i never have been able to get the baby on the stomach experience), you are "supposed" to feel this overwhelming in love feeling when you first lay eyes on them.... NOT always the case.  I was so freaking happy to not be pushing anymore.  I wanted some effing food and some ice water.  please let me say this again to those who might think i'm a bad mum with distorted views of bringing children into the world:  i LOVED my son when i saw him for the first time.  but i was NOT in love with him.  and i felt like a failure.  i felt absolutely terrible and alone.  i felt like everyone loved him but me, and that feeling alone was terrifying. it wasn't until i was pregnant with my second child that i found out that it's normal to feel the way i did.  call me naive, but i truly thought there was something wrong with me for feeling the way i did.  bottom line mum's, whether this is your first or your fifth, you are not bad for feeling the way you feel and the best part?  after about 2 weeks, you feel better, things get easier, you start to get the hang of things and you don't feel like you might go crazy (for a while anyway, don't get me wrong, this parenting thing will always leave you a little nuts ;) )  Anyway, i wish that i had known that not only was it normal to feel that way, i wish even more that i knew there was an end in sight (of course, if your feelings continue or worsen past 2 weeks, talk to your midwife or doctor, PLEASE, they know how to help you)

then of course, how can we forget about breastfeeding?..... not only do i feel like a bad mum for not feeling overwhelming devotion for this poor little creature new to the world, but i can't feed him!  Whaaaaaaaaat?  i thought breastfeeding was something that just happened! like anything else with this whole motherhood thing, it's all about instinct, right?  again, NOPE.  i had no clue how to do it.  i had no idea it would hurt so very much or that my, big boobs would get so so SO much bigger, so much that this poor little guy had nothing to latch onto :(  it was beyond heartbreaking and frustrating.  if it was not for a true saint that walks this planet, my dear friend and midwife Renata Moise, i would not have made it through.  bless her, she came to my house EVERY SINGLE DAY until i got the hang of it.  it was so difficult but after a short time became like second nature and i would go on to nurse him until he was 1. 

The third thing is something i didn't know about until after having my second child.  This time around, i was in love with him, but i was not so much in love with the fact that i was no longer pregnant.  I knew that i loved being pregnant, but i didn't realize that i would literally mourn the pregnancy.  it was very overwhelming that i actually taped a large piece of paper on the full length mirror in the bathroom so as not to ever catch a glimpse of what was no longer there.   i had a very hard time seeing other pregnant women and felt that way for a very long time after having gibbson.  the thing that got me through was the opposite of what i did after i had oliver.  after oliver, people would say "how are you doing!?"  and i would choke out a smile and say "great!". not this time.  when people asked how i was, i just sobbed and told them the truth.  and it was totally fine.  people get that you might not be ok and to tell them so is far better than pretending you are ok when you are not.  

Remember and know this: you are a whirlpool of crazy hormones when you are pregnant and after you have the baby!  your hormone levels are that of a post menopausal woman after you have a baby.  it takes work and patience and love from every single thing around you.  TAKE HELP FROM PEOPLE.  the saying "it takes a village" is freaking right.  it does.  don't think that you can't take help from your friends and family because it makes you seem "weak" or "UN-able".  taking help makes you strong and makes you able.  it is something that is in our nature to take care of each other.  you can always repay someone for helping you by helping them later when they need it most.  we are all in this together, forever and ever.

Maybe the best thing about this roller coaster ride is that after you do this, even when you are almost 4 years down the road and ready to rip your hair out some days, you can do ANYTHING.  really.  it's like this crazy super power we get to have.  there is a feeling you get and it takes away fear, it takes away apprehension for doing every day things.  if i can bring a life into the world, i can truly do anything at all.  

much love

xo Suz

Snowy Sunday afternoon....

Hope your weekend was lovely!  We all played in the snow for a bit on this warm Sunday afternoon!  I had a few moments to myself and made this lovely peace owl.  Here's to a good week! Much love!

<3 Suz

Foodskees Continued....the shopping list

This should be riveting, ay? Ok, maybe not.  Maybe there are more exciting things than reading grocery lists and meal plans...in fact I'm certain there are more exciting things, but to me, this CAN be just as exciting because it makes the rest of my household life a lot less frantic and we feel better when we eat better.  So, here is the list that i took with me for the meals i have planned this week: (and a side note that helps me tremendously, I write my list in order of where it is located at the store.  this not only shortens the shopping time, but it also makes me less likely to impulse buy anything while getting side tracked)

spinach (organic)
carrots (organic)
avocado
tomato
mushrooms
spaghetti squash (not planned, but i needed another vegetable for the pasta bake, this also cuts out carbs and the need to add more pasta, or BUY more pasta even, i have a small amount of orzo and a small amount of mini pasta shells, remember USE EVERYTHING, even small amounts count!)
onions
broccoli
mixed frozen veggies (organic)
chicken (nature place)
kidney beans
mozzarella (2)
50/50 cheddar
wheat pizza dough (3)
organic tomato paste
pasta sauce
naan (1 package that has 4 in it, takes care of 2 meals)
laughing cow garlic and herb

there was more that we bought, organic apples, bananas, rice cakes, spices that needed replenishing.  our total bill for everything was  about $130 and we used 2 WIC checks which bought us about $10 worth of milk, beans and wheat wraps, and $6 worth of fresh produce.  So, without that, it would have been around $145.  Not bad in my book.  We have 5 meals for the week, my love has lunch for the week, many of the vegetables i bought will go towards next weeks meals.  i splurged this week and got a few more bananas and some caramel almond butter to make some special snacks for me and the boys! yay! 

You don't have to buy organic, i just choose to when i can.  You don't have to buy the all natural chicken, again, it is just our preference.  You CAN eat well, ALL OF YOU for not a lot of money.  I swear it's possible.  I hope to take some photos this week of the food we make and do some posts on my recipes i create in my head.  Any questions at all?  I'll answer them!  I'm off to pick up the tornado that has been sweeping through my house.  All you local readers, come check out Gibb and I at Mainely Meat on Main tonight! 6pm-9pm!

xo Suz

foodskees

Ok.  So, a subject that is more and more becoming important in my life and the lives of others: food. or as any of my pinterest board followers know "Foodskees".  Truth: i eat too much, i eat a lot of bread and cheese BUT as usual, i'm trying, trying trying all the time and have changed other habits here and there that might counter balance my obsession with extra sharp cheddar.  All in all, i feel like we eat really well.  I have eliminated foods with high fructose corn syrup, (which is in things that you wouldn't think of, read read read!) colors (also mind boggling! pie crust???  are you kidding!?!? yeah, i know, i know "make your own pie crust suz, what the hell are you buying packaged pie crust for anyway?" because i don't freaking bake, ok?) and MSG.  I try my hardest to buy organic vegetables whenever possible.  I stick with The Dirty Dozen when it comes to produce, farmers markets when the season is right of course, we don't eat white bread, snacks are pretty limited and are usually pretzels and hummus, cheese, fruit, nuts, leftover whatever whatever in the fridge.  We don't drink soda (my love does on occasion, but myself and the kids do not, i used to though, GROSS, i'll tell you all about THAT catastrophe some other time). You get it, right?  I'm not perfect.  Not a bit.  I could always find a way to improve this process, but for now it works. I pride myself on making sure what we eat is good, is homemade whenever possible and doesn't contain crazy scary ingredients.  I also pride myself in my meal planning and budgeting.  It's something that, in my opinion, is the only way you can truly eat well when you have a strict budget to follow.  It takes time, but after a while you get the hang of it and can be really efficient when planning. Wanna know what I do?

1.) I brainstorm all the time since my head is ALWAYS spinning, but for the most part, I pick a day.  Usually it's Friday because i do food shopping on saturdays.  I take note of everything i have in the fridge and pantry.  EVERYTHING, even that half of a half of a red pepper, i will make use of it somewhere.  We are at the end of our 2 weeks so today is pay day (yay!) but the fridge and cupboard are very very sad.  so, this week is going to be a bigger week money wise but we will be spending less in others (see how this is going to work, ay???).

2.)  Dirty secret time: i open up the paint program. yup.  that dinosaur that we all used to think was the coolest thing ever 20 errr more years ago.  It's my go to.  i use it for EVERYTHING.  I love it and i don't care who knows.  anyway, trusty paint program and my foodskees board on pinterest open, i start a list.  sometimes i have not added to my board so i need to search for some new ideas, but i get a list of six meals Sat~Fri.  Then, i check my calender: yay! we are playing at mainely meat this weekend! that means i don't cook on saturday! whooooo hoooooooooooo!  the boys will eat at my mum's (the greatest woman on the planet.  no joke.  everyone says that about their mum, but really, she is a freaking saint and i would be lost without her and my dad).  The only thing we have going on this week is visiting a potential school for mr. oliver so that night i make sure it's something that is easy (like a crock pot meal).  It's important with meal planning to adjust it to your life.  If you make a meal plan solely based on what you like to eat, you might find yourself screwed, or preparing a roast at 8:30pm.  If you know that tuesdays are crazy and hectic, plan accordingly, save the roast for a day you have time to prepare it.  You can still eat well and eat with your family, even if you are all only at the table for 20 minutes.

3.) So, i have all my meals on one side, i have items i have on the other, i have my calender handy.  i decide what meal will be on what day, then i go one by one and just write down what i need for ingredients with each meal.  This helps me know what i need to buy, or if i have it already, what i DON"T need.  It also helps me figure out what i can use the ingredients for. example: i'm buying a bag of carrots because we are having vegetable soup this week, but Wednesdays dinner needs vegetable side too, whats left can be used next week, etc.

4.) this isn't really a step, but the rule is, we don't eat a lot of meat.  i make it a point to only eat red meat once a month, maybe twice.  when i buy chicken, it's nature place and it almost always, one package is for 2 meals.  I do this for health just as much as i do it for cost.  i like to get our protein elsewhere and it saves money so that i can buy things that cost more. give and take mama's, give and take.

That's pretty much it.  Really.  It does take time.  I won't lie.  It takes a lot longer than just heading to the store and grabbing whatever whatever, but i guarantee you it costs less, you know what you are making for dinner every night, and you eat pretty gosh darn well to boot.  

I'm lucky.  My kids eat really well.  They eat foods like broccoli, and devour whatever fake meat i decide to experiment making.  They eat leftovers in crazy combinations.  My husband will eat anything (even the fake meat, bless him!).  I get that kids don't like certain things.  I do. Hello?  I was one of them.  I didn't like to eat half of the things i eat now until my late 20's.  I wouldn't even TRY some of the things i eat now not even 5 years ago.  it's a learning process. but the sooner you start, the sooner it will just become the norm.  my kids didn't always eat all their vegetables, but i always put them on the plate. 

So, what's for dinner this week at the Woods'?

Saturday: Gig night! Mainely Meat on Main!
Sunday:  homemade pizza
Monday: Veggie and cheese pockets (avocado, broccoli, spinach, sprouts, etc.)
Tuesday: Spaghetti and salad
Wednesday: avocado chicken pasta bake
Thursday: homemade vegetable soup and sandwiches
Friday: chicken dagwoods

As i get more familiar with all this computer jargin i'll fiddle with links to recipe ideas (though a lot of them exist in my crazy brain). tomorrow, i will post a grocery list.

I want to leave this post with a disclaimer of some sort. is that even the word?   i don't know.  anyway.  what i want to say is this:
I am a really lucky mama.  I am lucky enough (as crazy as some of you know i can get) to stay home with my kids.  We qualify for the WIC (women, infants and children) program and have been apart of it for almost 4 years.  This is a tremendous help.  Some might scoff and turn their nose up at it.  Whatever.  I worked for 10+ years and put my dollars into the system, and i shall leave it at that.  This program is incredible and has changed the way my family eats and buys food.  I get checks for milk, cheese, beans, grain items, eggs, cereal and fresh produce.  every year we get vouchers for a dollar amount that we can spend at local farmers markets.  this helps my budget tremendously and i am very thankful for that.  it maybe makes it easier to buy the more expensive items because we save elsewhere, but dollar amounts aside, the WIC program has helped me teach myself about the basics of meal planning, and i believe that even when we are no longer eligible, we can still eat this way, paying very little extra.  i believe it is possible because of the knowledge i now have, and the awareness.  I wanted to make it very clear about my budget and that i take these checks into account.

Much love to you all out there in this crazy little universe, muah!

<3 Suz

oooops!

Ha....well this is embarrassing....
The other night I was talking to a friend about kids and having them and how i like to try and tell new mothers about the not so fuzzy part of parenting and bringing babies into your home (a topic i shall get to at a later date) etc. Anyway, she said "you should write a blog, i think that a lot of people would want to know what you have to say about that sort of thing" and i said as usual the list of reasons why i want to do so but can't/don't, blah blah blah.  Aaaaaaaaaanyway, here i sit and think, let's just try it out, shall we?  As i look up different blogs i see that i have already started one... ha!  it's funny all that you forget in a year (or more).  all the more reason to document, ay? ay.  so, do not judge me for taking so long to write in a blog i forgot i ever started.  i must say, i like my first entry a lot.  yay for babes.  lets try and not let a year go by before we meet again....