Anyway, this is my linked up post all about motherhood. The beginning and beyond and ironically, my favorite part to discuss, "what no one ever told you about".
Since having 2 children of my own, i feel a somewhat "duty" to for warn these mum's to be in my circle of friends. Mostly because i just was never told these things and feel i went through many a suffering hour errr days/weeks, because of it. these are my rantings....
Biggest one: you might not instantly be "in love" with your child. please don't get me wrong. you love your kids, you ALWAYS love them, but that moment right after you go through the marathon of labor and they lay him or her on your stomach (if you get that, i never have been able to get the baby on the stomach experience), you are "supposed" to feel this overwhelming in love feeling when you first lay eyes on them.... NOT always the case. I was so freaking happy to not be pushing anymore. I wanted some effing food and some ice water. please let me say this again to those who might think i'm a bad mum with distorted views of bringing children into the world: i LOVED my son when i saw him for the first time. but i was NOT in love with him. and i felt like a failure. i felt absolutely terrible and alone. i felt like everyone loved him but me, and that feeling alone was terrifying. it wasn't until i was pregnant with my second child that i found out that it's normal to feel the way i did. call me naive, but i truly thought there was something wrong with me for feeling the way i did. bottom line mum's, whether this is your first or your fifth, you are not bad for feeling the way you feel and the best part? after about 2 weeks, you feel better, things get easier, you start to get the hang of things and you don't feel like you might go crazy (for a while anyway, don't get me wrong, this parenting thing will always leave you a little nuts ;) ) Anyway, i wish that i had known that not only was it normal to feel that way, i wish even more that i knew there was an end in sight (of course, if your feelings continue or worsen past 2 weeks, talk to your midwife or doctor, PLEASE, they know how to help you)
then of course, how can we forget about breastfeeding?..... not only do i feel like a bad mum for not feeling overwhelming devotion for this poor little creature new to the world, but i can't feed him! Whaaaaaaaaat? i thought breastfeeding was something that just happened! like anything else with this whole motherhood thing, it's all about instinct, right? again, NOPE. i had no clue how to do it. i had no idea it would hurt so very much or that my, big boobs would get so so SO much bigger, so much that this poor little guy had nothing to latch onto :( it was beyond heartbreaking and frustrating. if it was not for a true saint that walks this planet, my dear friend and midwife Renata Moise, i would not have made it through. bless her, she came to my house EVERY SINGLE DAY until i got the hang of it. it was so difficult but after a short time became like second nature and i would go on to nurse him until he was 1.
The third thing is something i didn't know about until after having my second child. This time around, i was in love with him, but i was not so much in love with the fact that i was no longer pregnant. I knew that i loved being pregnant, but i didn't realize that i would literally mourn the pregnancy. it was very overwhelming that i actually taped a large piece of paper on the full length mirror in the bathroom so as not to ever catch a glimpse of what was no longer there. i had a very hard time seeing other pregnant women and felt that way for a very long time after having gibbson. the thing that got me through was the opposite of what i did after i had oliver. after oliver, people would say "how are you doing!?" and i would choke out a smile and say "great!". not this time. when people asked how i was, i just sobbed and told them the truth. and it was totally fine. people get that you might not be ok and to tell them so is far better than pretending you are ok when you are not.
Remember and know this: you are a whirlpool of crazy hormones when you are pregnant and after you have the baby! your hormone levels are that of a post menopausal woman after you have a baby. it takes work and patience and love from every single thing around you. TAKE HELP FROM PEOPLE. the saying "it takes a village" is freaking right. it does. don't think that you can't take help from your friends and family because it makes you seem "weak" or "UN-able". taking help makes you strong and makes you able. it is something that is in our nature to take care of each other. you can always repay someone for helping you by helping them later when they need it most. we are all in this together, forever and ever.
Maybe the best thing about this roller coaster ride is that after you do this, even when you are almost 4 years down the road and ready to rip your hair out some days, you can do ANYTHING. really. it's like this crazy super power we get to have. there is a feeling you get and it takes away fear, it takes away apprehension for doing every day things. if i can bring a life into the world, i can truly do anything at all.
xo Suz
hurrrrrah! You did it.. well of course you did - you've birthed babies, what's a little technical jargon to deal with, hey? Awesome, thanks for these very true, very real reflections, love it!
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